Wednesday 27 July 2016

Feeling Inbetween

This is a personal post which I have been wanting to write for a while now. I had a discussion with my mum about this recently and it really got me thinking. 

I was super excited to move home after finishing my degree and leaving Carlisle for good. As a nurse the process of getting a job is complicated and you have to wait for your nursing pin to come through before starting within your new job role. I am able to start in mid September on a lower pay scale until my nursing pin comes through. However, that means that I have a nine week gap between finishing uni and starting my job. Throughout my three years, my degree has been very different to other degrees and we have never got the huge summers off by finishing in May like others have. We did however get 5-6 weeks off which was plenty. This may sound stupid but it has only just clicked with me that I am not heading back to uni in September, and this isn't just another summer break. Don't get me wrong, I am super excited to start my new job and obviously very apprehensive. I do however feel like I am ready to take my step into the nursing world, and start my career. This is a massive statement to process though, and for me one which scares me massively. I have days when I am so happy to be back home and I know I am super lucky to have an amazing job lined up. But on the other hand, I am stuck in some strange kind of limbo. The feeling that I am stuck in between. 

The middle of September seems so far away, and it is. I am so lucky to be going on two holidays this year, as that will never be happening again! However, they obviously cost a lot, but I have saved for them thankfully. But, now I find myself with no job (for now) as I left my job in Carlisle to move home and there's a lot of strain on my finances. I feel like a lot of graduates are going to be in the same situation of not really sure where they fit in, and it is a very uneasy feeling. It is something which I cannot overcome as I know it is just a temporary measure, but this still causes a lot of anxious feelings. I feel that even moving back home and getting back into family life and not having that freedom and independence of living on my own which I have had is strange. I am used to doing things for myself which is something which I actually really enjoyed getting used to. The only way I describe it is that everything feels like it has taken a shift in a certain direction, and I feel off centre. 

I was wondering if anyone feels or has ever felt like this? Like I have said I know it is a short-term problem, and before I know it everything should fall back into place pretty smoothly. But for now I feel like a bit off an outsider and not sure where I quiet with in with anything.


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