Sunday, 25 February 2018

Living My Life to the Full

I often find myself questioning myself constantly when I am buying something, or agreeing to do something. I constantly think can I afford it, should I do it, or should I be saving. I have been like this since a child. I would save my pocket money and birthday money and would never really buy myself things. I do think it is a good way to be always wanting to save money, and not be spending all the time. But recently I have found myself becoming very frustrated with myself.

I am 23 and I have worked hard to earn the money I do as a nurse. I often turn done socialising or being able to do something spontaneous as I either have work or I do the next day. That is just how shift patterns work. I feel in 2017, I went on this big money saving campaign and each month I would get paid, pay my bills and then I would give myself a tight budget to live by even though I didn't need to. I was constantly saying oh I'll save this, and I will save that. In the grand scheme of things, I feel as though I am not living my life to the fullest. I am saving for a house, I was an adult and finally opened a help to buy ISA. This is going to take me at least 4 years to just get a deposit together. As well as the money saving for this, I am always putting money away separately. I know this is going to take me a good 5 years to be able to afford everything. In the meantime, I do not want to just save every penny, every month, just to be able to buy a house a little earlier than planned. I am happy at home at the moment, and I am done with the pressures of everyone thinking your life is complete by buying a house. I think owning a home is a fantastic thing, but I want to also live my life.

Me and my best friends have this discussion often, and we say how fast life is going. How being 18 feels like two minutes ago and questioning where the time has gone. I want to live my twenties and do everything I want to. I love travelling, and everyone at work calls me the globetrotter for going on mini weekends whenever I am off work. For me, time off work is precious and I want to use it wisely. I want to create memories and live my life to the fullest. I do not want to have any regrets, and this is why I think I need to start living my life. I need to be more care free, saying yes more and not instantly doing quick sums in my head. I know I am in a lucky position to be living at home (I do pay rent!), but it still doesn't mean I can't treat myself to fancy things. Like I have said, saving money and be careful is a great quality of mine. My dad calls me tight all the time, and says the moths are coming out when I open my purse! I just want to be a little more care free and not being thinking about life in 5 years. I want to live in the moment, and not regret not doing anything. I am not talking about living beyond my means, and wrecking up credit cards. I simply mean being a little more free and stopping feeling bad for treating myself to something I have wanted for ages. I hate the feeling of guilt, and it is something which I feel often and it makes me feel so miserable.

I think with the hawks of the media, we constantly live on the edge. We are made to feel bad for being a millennial, with no house, being single and not having children. I am no way ready for any of this, and I think that is perfectly fine. I hear so many people saying I wish I had done this in my twenties, if I had my time again I would do things differently. This is why, I want to start living in the moment.  Life for every single person on this planet is different, people take different paths and this is what life is about. Not everyday is going to be easy, but we grow as a person as we get over these hurdles. Here is to me saying yes to more things, spending  more on myself and not regretting anything I do.


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